On its surface, the timeworn tradition of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association hand-selecting celebrity offspring to serve as Miss (or Mr.) Golden Globe—later known as the Golden Globes Ambassador—seems about as noxiously LA-connections-y as it gets. Still, I have to admit that when I tuned into the 2023 Globes, I was secretly praying for a carefully chosen celebrity scion to appear onstage. Who would it be? A Baldwin? A Spielberg? Hacks’ Hannah Einbinder, if we were very, very lucky? (Her mom is Laraine Newman! Here’s a charming interview with both of them.)

Unfortunately, as this year’s Globes unfolded, it became abundantly clear that no Miss or Mr. Golden Globe would be gracing the stage. I don’t want to say it’s because of the nepo-baby discourse that’s taken Hollywood by storm of late, but honestly can you imagine any young starlet worth her salt rushing to be the face of inherited privilege at one of the most watched red-carpet events of the year?

Not having a resident famous kid du jour to help hand out awards may be in line with the HFPA’s new, somewhat less racist (ahem, citation needed) reimagining of the Golden Globes, but I’ll be honest: I miss my nepo babies! Is it incredibly stupid to spotlight young people whose most relevant qualification, in many cases, is being the child of someone good at pretending to be a made-up person onscreen? Of course—but I watch every single award show every single year. I live for that kind of stupidity.

To be fair, the Golden Globes Ambassador program has heralded some notable future stars; no less a luminary than Laura Dern, daughter of screen legends Bruce Dern and Diane Ladd, got her start as Miss Golden Globe in 1982, and frankly a world in which Laura Dern is not famous is simply not a world I care to live in. I also genuinely enjoyed seeing Satchel and Jackson Lee, progeny of Spike, take on the role in 2021: Jackson was the Globes’ first Black male ambassador and Satchel was the first to openly identify as queer, bringing some welcome cultural relevance to the lofty title.

But what I’m looking for in a Golden Globes Ambassador isn’t necessarily coolness or intelligence or a fancy pedigree; I want to see rich, famous kids behaving badly! There’s a reason I rewatched The OC dozens of times, and it’s not because I’m trying to figure out how Sandy gets his eyebrows so lush (although I still plan to crack that case). I am never happier than when I’m watching Hollywood kids carouse in wild but hopefully not-too-destructive ways, and although that hasn’t really been known to happen onstage at the Globes, there at least might have been hope for the after-party. Ah, well; I guess I’ll just have to hold out for next year.

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