Like so many people my age, I harbor complicated feelings toward Paris Hilton and the general concept of femininity—and for similar reasons. Both lure you in with the promise of glamour and ease, but can ultimately leave you feeling cold and wondering why you blew half your rent on a dress you’ll never wear. (Or, in the case of the families who invited Hilton and her onetime sidekick Nicole Richie to live and work with them on The Simple Life, why on earth you trusted a toxically rich and very obviously lazy socialite to milk your cow.)
What I’ve slowly come to realize over the years is that the trappings of traditional femininity have to be applied in specific, strategic doses so as not to make me itchy—i.e., no to bachelorette parties, but yes to getting a manicure and gossiping with the nail tech while the polish dries. The same, it seems, can be said of the Hilton persona; though I wouldn’t necessarily want to hang with Paris 24/7 (not, it should be said, that she’s offering), I am very interested in her Amazon homeware line, which is on sale now.
Before you raise an eyebrow, hear me out: Everything in the collection, from the pastel mini fridge to the rhinestone-encrusted thermos and the sold-out “That’s hot” tea kettle, is tacky and pink and over-the-top and proto-Barbiecore…and I weirdly kind of love it. It’s like someone fell asleep at the front desk of the Madonna Inn and let you raid the kitchen, something that has been a dream of mine ever since I first glimpsed the inside of that historic (and frilly) California hotel.
Though I’d be less inclined to subject my bedroom or living room to this kind of hot pink assault on the senses, I’ve long felt that kitchenware could use a little femme-forward makeover (a desire related only in part to my 10-year-strong longing for the pink Le Creuset dutch oven of my dreams). Who decided that toasters and microwaves and even spatulas had to be standard-issue and drab? Why can’t they be fun? To be clear, I’m not arguing that turning my entire kitchen Paris Hilton–pink is any kind of feminist statement; if anything, the “pink tax” levied on products marketed towards women, such as razors, tampons, and shampoo, is evidence of the sexism that still unfairly divides our society, even in 2023. Still, rather than pay more for bad shampoo just because it’s got a cute, girly label, I long to stack my home with inexplicably femme appliances specifically because…well, they thrill the lizard part of my brain that still misses playing with dolls. That’s something, isn’t it?
Honestly, I’m (probably) not going to buy anything from the Paris Hilton homeware line, if only because my ugly, functional, non-pink pots and pans are perfectly good, and I, unlike the newly minted domestic goddess in question, am not an heiress. I am moving soon, though, and if I somehow manage to come in under budget (not likely), maybe I’ll treat myself to a limited-edition baby pink wine chiller. Now that—ironically—would be hot.
Paris Hilton diamond bling wine tumbler